I met a young manager over the weekend. He works for a logistics firm and I know him from a training course he attended with me some time back. He’s a really nice, genuine guy as far as I can tell and someone who is just starting out on his management career. Lots of potential I would say.
I hadn’t seen him since he attended the course so when he approached me in the bar on Saturday evening, I couldn’t remember his name, but I never forget a face. Anyway, as we chatted briefly he explained how things were going and that he had recently been promoted to team leader, which was great for him.
But things weren’t working out too well at present, he explained.
In short, he had tried to build good relationships with his people, but it was back-firing because a few of them were taking advantage and saw him as being a soft touch.
Now, this is not an unusual problem for younger managers as they try to get the balance right in how they relate with their people, but it is not exclusively a problem for those starting out on the management ladder and I come across cases all the time where managers are too ‘pally’ with their employees, or too nice to them for their own good. So, I thought I would highlight the issue this rainy Monday morning in Dublin. Okay, maybe this is far from a concern for you personally, but do read on, because maybe it’s an problem for some of your junior managers and it’s no harm if you reflect on the issue for a few moments. If it is a problem for you – and that’s nothing to be ashamed of – it can be fixed over time, and having a better understanding of the issues and consequences involved will help you on that improvement journey.
I’ll start off by saying that there’s a certain type of manager I see reasonably regularly and I call them Befrienders. I use that label because, from what I can see, they aim to forge good relationships with their employees, based on having a pleasant and engaging personality. And there is nothing at all wrong with that in principle. That said, where the problem does arise is that some of these managers are too passive; they lack self-confidence and, as a result, seek to build relationships with people, not necessarily because they see it as the best approach, but in some ways they do so as a form of defense mechanism.
And this is what often happens to young managers when they first get promoted (some do go completely in the opposite direction admittedly) but many ‘newbies have this difficulty. And, as I said, being too passive can last well into a management career, or more likely it can place a ceiling on the potential for progression through the ranks.
Befrienders often fall into the trap of believing that if they ‘get on well’ with their employees then they will respond to this and that the work will be done to the standard required. Whilst this might seem like an approach that should work, it does not in most cases because these managers over rely on the bonds they have with their employees as their source of power and authority. I have noticed many times how managers in this category often have an exaggerated fear of being unpopular, which results in them striving for harmony with their people and they do their utmost to maintain it, sometimes at all costs it seems. For example, when I talk to Befrienders about work-related matters, they are often overly concerned with how their employees will respond to something they are planning to do, or they get unnecessarily stressed if their team seems down or de-motivated on occasions, which in reality is going to happen from time to time no matter how good the leader is.
I have noticed too how this desire to sustain positive relations frequently causes Befrienders to ignore underperformance or to fail to take action when things are not going the way they want. Usually they compensate for this by doing extra work themselves or more likely by an over-dependence on a few members of their team with whom they have a particularly close relationship. As a rule, these leaders have a propensity to sidestep challenging issues rather than confront them head on and difficult decisions or situations where potential for conflict is high are avoided, or at best long fingered. This softly, softly approach adopted by Befrienders also creates an environment where consensus is sought on every major issue, which is not only time consuming, but can also lead to a situation which I would describe as the ‘tail wagging the dog’.
This approach, if not dealt with, causes major problems in the long run because certain employees sense that it is they who are ultimately in control. In particular, I have seen how the more dominant characters in a team can take advantage of Befrienders at times, which in turn raises questions amongst remaining employees as to who is really in charge. This is a key drawback for this type of manager and increasingly they can allow their leadership credentials with their team to be eroded, particularly when the stronger individuals are given too free a rein. All of this naturally diminishes their ability to fully engage their people and the collective impact of these shortcomings means that teams led by Befrienders fail to deliver the level of performance possible; that is why they generally underachieve and only progress so far up the ladder.
So, if you personally, or more likely, if one of your direct reports is having the ‘befriending’ problem, here’s a couple of points - linked to the above - to highlight for them:
A manager can never be ‘one of the gang’
Regular readers amongst you will know that I am a big believer in the ‘participative’ approach to managing others. To a point that is. Yes, it’s critical to engage with people but it’s a fine line between being engaged and falling into the trap of thinking that real friendships with employees are possible. They are not – well rarely in my experience. True friends are to be found outside of work.
Never overlook underperformance
If you find yourself, or you see a junior manager in your team, allowing people to get away with things at work which are unacceptable, then that should immediately raise alarm bells. Most of us dislike confrontation, but ignoring an individual’s underperformace to maintain harmony will lead to serious problems in the end.
Be direct, without being blunt
Often managers who struggle with confronting employees will dance around the subject when confronting someone, but people see through this and it only makes them look weak in their eyes. It’s always best to be clear, concise, calm and controlled, but get to the point all the same.
Short term unpopularity is inevitable
In any management role, unpopularity goes with the territory. And when it is a short-term phenomenon it can actually meant that the manager in question is doing a good job – shaking people out of complacency, pushing them beyond the comfort zone and so on. Long term unpopularity is of course something entirely different. The point to emphasize here is that being ‘respected’ is far more important than being ‘liked’.
For sure, these are all very basic points in the greater scheme of things but they were on my mind this morning following my encounter over the weekend. And they may not even apply to you, but I’ll bet that you can think of someone on your management team to whom they do apply. If so, step in and coach them through it – the reward in their improved performance as a manager will be worth the effort.
Having said all of the above, I want to make the final point that being an effective manager doesn’t mean becoming an asshole or turning into Atilla-the-Hun, but a bit of toughness is definitely required.
Without it, managers get walked upon.
Enjoy your day!






















